On One Fine Day
by Astonia
Summary: Move your hand away from my thigh now." said Kanda in a dead, grim tone. KANDA X ALLEN
1. The Exorcists play Twisters

Disclaimer: No dear, if I did, I wouldn't be writing this silly fanfic.

**ON ONE FINE DAY**

**The Exorcists play Twisters.**

"Move your hand away from my thigh _now_." said Kanda in a dead, grim tone.

Allen blushed a furious red; his cheeks literally dominated by the amount of blood rushing through so violently it would put a shame on a cosmetic blusher.

"In case you haven't noticed, Kanda, I can't move my hand with your legs in the way." replied Allen.

He lowered his head and shifted slightly to the left – accessing their, um, bodily situation which doesn't seem to bring any positive prospects to his mind. Allen's right arm was stretched below his body, across his thigh, and therefore made physical interaction between their skin. The worst part? The spot of skin contact was erupting in hot sizzles and Kanda didn't work too well with such…uh…overpowering emotions.

"Then lower your arm!"

"How, in heaven's name, can I do that without falling?!"

"Just do it, bean sprout!"

"But I'll fall!" retorted Allen, feeling both annoyed and tired. Both his arms were shaking, threatening to give way to his body weight. "And, good lord, my arms are aching."

"Don't you dare!"

"Hey! It was _you_ who told me to do this and do that!" said Allen. "It's no surprise I'm getting body cramps because of you!"

Kanda gave a small 'che' and muttered a few curses under his breath that, in this generation, might prove too vulgar for any sane man to decipher. He didn't like being touched and, apparently, bean sprout was violating section 108, rule 12 on 'No bodily contact'.

"Just stop touching me, bean sprout." said Kanda for the hundredth time that same, fine day.

"Oh please don't flatter yourself, who in their right mind would even want to touch you?" mocked Allen, his evil side growing in strange companion to his over-achieved annoyance. "Ah! Unless that fellow is queer –"

"YOU FU-"

Allen shot him a horrified look.

"FUDGE!" finished Kanda, lamely, looking both angry and confused at the same time.

"Hey, I like chocolate and marshmallow fudge." said Lavi suddenly. The future bookman-to-be was, basically, the focal reason why Kanda and Allen were entangled, in limbs and arms, like a human puzzle. A simple game of Twister was warped up in Lavi's…weird Yullen fantasy. No one blames him for doing so, though. ("WE FULLY SUPPORT YOU, LAVI!!" yelled the fangirls as they waved a Yullen flag across the computer screen.)

"Lavi, you're going to die a slow and painful death." threatened Kanda, yet again as he sent his infamous glare at said man. But Lavi merely shrugged his shoulders; numb to the countless death threats he had received from his best friend.

"Fudge? Why fudge? Ha! I didn't know you have a sweet tooth, Kanda." Allen smirked. "What other things are you hiding, eh?"

"Shut up, bean sprout."

"HA! Make me!"

"IDIOT BEAN SPROUT! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!"

"Congratulations, you've just breached Game rule, number 3." said Lavi. "No vulgarities."

"Damn it."

"Allen, butt on green. Kanda, right palm on red." directed Lavi, as he pointed his finger to one of the mentioned colored spots on the white sheet. He grinned. Evilly.

"Damn you, Lavi!" yelled Kanda, not really learning his lesson.

Allen gave him another one of his incredulous 'I can't believe you cursed 2 times in a second." look. It was a record of some sort.

"My God, Yuu, you've breached the same rule for 5 times!" said Lavi amused. "Now, Allen, move your heels to colorless. Right knee to green, Yuu-chan!"

Allen groaned. Kanda cursed…mentally.

"It's impossible!" said Allen. "I can't move my heels _there_."

"And why not? Just lay on your back! It's not that hard." snapped Kanda, narrowing his eyes into black slits.

"W-what?!"

"Lie on your back below me!"

"A-Are you sure?" said Allen through barely perceptible words that had disorientated as a result of his stammering. He bit the bottom of his lip nervously, picturing the, otherwise, disturbing mental image. "I'll be…"

"10 seconds!" chimed in Lavi, gesturing to the clock. "10 more seconds for you to reposition yourself before I declare you both losers."

"Bean sprout!"

"Fine. Fine." said Allen as he adjusted himself rather awkwardly on the floor.

Now he was, effectively, lying _underneath _the Japanese samurai. He shivered visibly, feeling vulnerable and all. Kanda had both arms on either side of his head and, unfortunately for them both, there was only a good 2 inches between them. Thank God he has had proper training to withstand the immense pressure on his muscles for only dramatic chaos would ensue should his arms give way…

"You've honestly got to stop cursing, Kanda, you're getting the both of us in trouble!" complained Allen as he wriggled himself a little higher. "It's not fair I have to pay half the price when you're the one spouting those words and all!"

Kanda glared down at him. "And who was the one who goaded me in the first place?"

"Excuse me? You're the one who challenged Lavi and Lenalee in their games when you, clearly, know they possess nothing but a twisted mind." Allen contorted his face, looking slightly flustered. "And their penalty is plain ridiculous! I can't believe I'm actually dragged into this!"

"Che."

"Wait, what was the penalty again?"

Lavi, who had taken the cue to magically appear between them, started making smooching noises in the background.


	2. Lavi buys a Life Insurance

**Lavi buys a Life Insurance**

"I'm not asking why you even bother doing so. And I'm not saying it's stupid." Lenalee said, quirking her delicate brow in query of the man before her. "I'm saying it's...

"Bloody brilliant yeah?" finished Lavi, smirking in self-appraisal.

"Brilliant my arse! I think it's bloody ridiculous!" said Lenalee, her voice hitting the high note at the last syllabus. You might have thought she was auditioning for a choral group.

But Lavi, the man, paid her no heed. Not that anyone would, of course, especially when it's the –

"Best damn plan in the entire universe!" exclaimed…well, you know who. The self-acclaimed smart prick. "Sometimes, even my own intelligence astounds me. Hell ho!"

"I still don't see how this," Lenalee pinched a few sheets of paper from the pile, wobbling it in front of his face. "is of any relevance OR importance. I'm not undermining the magnitude of buying one, I'm questioning your intention behind this whole...whole"...thing!"

We all know the long hidden tears of anguish, terror and violence at the Black Order, especially when it involved an 'always seem to be self-hyperventilating' rabbit and a Japanese samurai who seethes and glares at anyone and _anything_. It didn't help either that the former enjoyed teasing and playing pranks on the poor fellow who could not wish for any other day than peace and quiet with his beloved sword, Soba and Tempura. Sorry ladies. (OR gentlemen, cough cough)

Nonetheless, there came a point in time where poor Kanda has had enough.

Just last week, Lavi poured a generous amount of pink hair dye into Kanda's 'Moisture Balance for long and lustrous hair' shampoo. It's Lavi, so you don't need any justification.

And just last week, the Black Order has had an interesting display of madness.

"_YOU IDIOT SWINE!! LAVI!! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!!" roared one enraged Kanda Yuu, storming out of his bathroom, dripping wet from head to toe. Navy blue towel draped around his lower torso. Shampoo bottle in one hand and brandishing his shiny sword in the other. It was horrifying. And the once radiant, shimmering and commercial-like hair turned ugly shade of pink didn't help ease the terror._

_Poor Allen almost fainted from sight._

_So help me God, I'm psychologically scarred for life!_

_Kanda spun his head left to right, eyes glinting murderously. He took no notice of the startled, worried and half confused boy._

"_That idiot, I'm gonna kill him!" Kanda muttered under his breath before slamming the door shut._

"It's for protection, ya know!" said Lavi, snatching back his '24-Hour Worldwide Protection Scheme'. "Ya never know what will happen next. I might be dead tomorrow, or worse, any second! I need some backup, in financial means of course, to pay up my future hospitalization fees."

"Future hospitalization fees?"

"Yup." said Lavi absentmindedly as he filled out the last requirements.

"You're crazy."

"I've just realized the insurmountable modes of danger and life-threatening situations I've placed myself into." said Lavi reflectively, and his tone, the face he lifted to Lenalee, expressed a kind of forlorn gravity. There was a silence.

"Oh Lavi."

Lavi remained stoned in his seat.

Lenalee frowned. "You should have thought of that ages ago! Isn't it too late now?"

Remaining impassive, he shook his head.

"NO. You should have thought of that BEFORE you happily poured pink hair dye into Kanda's shampoo bottle. That's the last thing anyone would do!" quipped in Allen, looking up from his trays of food.

"I agree!" shouted someone.

"Shut up, Allen, and go back to your food."

"Okay."

Lenalee started giggling.

"What's so funny?!" asked Lavi, not looking happy at Lenalee's reaction. He twitched his nose.

"Allen's right!" she said. "I've told you, time and again, to cease your silly tactics and look where you've got yourself into? Imagine a prankster calling for protection against the victim. It's hilarious!"

"HEY!! I'M NOT BUYING INSURANCE BECAUSE OF KANDA!! MY LIFE MAY BE CONSTANTLY THREATENED BY HIM BUT I'M IN, NO WAY, BUYING A PROTECTION SCHEME BECAUSE OF THAT!" shouted Lavi in his glorious Caps Lock fashion before realizing he had just made an accidental confession. 'Oh Crap.'

A look of astonished incredulity appeared on the faces of his listeners.

"It has high benefits ya know!" said Lavi, flinging the insurance scheme in mid-air. "At low-cost too!"

"How much for one?"

"Does it cover bee wasps?"

"Pimples. What about pimples? And let's not forget the zits."

There were loud murmurs and nods of agreement.

"Can I buy one for my beloved Komurin?" Komui asked, looking ridiculously dejected. "Kanda-kun spares no thought for the fragile being of my half delicate soul."

"Spare no thought for what?" A sharp, derisive voice broke startling into the dialogue.

They looked around. Before the food counter stood the Japanese samurai – raven-hair back to 'normal', eyes very piercing and dark.

Everyone started scrambling either a) out of the cafeteria (Komui stole one of Lavi's paper and wheezed away) b) 10 feet away from the dark aura c) towards Lavi's bench to grab an insurance policy.

They just realized that, like Lavi, they too were in dangerous times.

"Okay, I want one too!" said Allen suddenly.

"Don't be silly, Allen." said Lenalee in a matter-of-factly tone. "Even if Kanda rapes you, and I sure hope he will, walking with a limp would be the worst form. And I don't think the accident protection scheme includes being beep (something I don't wish to explain because this fanfiction is only rated T) beep and receiving very hot, wet..."

While Lenalee continued describing her VERY WILD erotic fantasies aka yaoi in explicit details, poor Allen Walker turned green.


End file.
